The one linesman was great! and then there was Nicholls! Pumas 2 v Meerkats 9

Twas a crisp autumnal morning that provide the setting for the derby of the Puma’s v Meerkats. The crowds wrapped up in their Burberry knock offs and Naff Naff jackets and gathered along the touchline, unbeknown to them they were in for a feast of goals.  Everyone turned up on time, even Chris Nicholls decided to show his face. Great! I thought he can run the line for the Meerkats, but oh no he’d been hoodwinked by the Pumas to assist them! Rumour has it that his daughter plays for the Pumas – I smell a conspiracy plot me thinks! This left me with the unenviable task of running the Meerkat line due to no other takers.  I didn’t ask Mrs Sturch-Porter as she would have got lost. I didn’t moan and got on with the task in hand – however Nicholls – I never forget!!

With a reduced squad of 10 the Meerkats were going to have to dig in hard.  They lined up like ‘Knights of Cydonia’ preparing for battle. The gaffer opted for a starting line up of Skye, Ellie, Millie, Abbie, Melissa, Erin, Mya, Eloise and Chloe with Faith on the bench. With everyone ‘feeling good’ the ref blew to commence the game. The Meerkats were hungry and hunted like ‘animals’ to win the ball. The midfielders were using their vision early on to set Chloe ‘Sonic’ Venables galloping off into enemy territory.  It was if the girls were ‘new born’ as the constant pressure allowed  Chloe to terrorise the Pumas defence with her bullish, pacey play to put the Meerkats 2 up. Erin ‘The General’ increased the lead with a speculative lob from 20 yards that caused ‘hysteria’ from the masses of travelling Meerkat fans . The wall of noise increased when the Pumas pulled one back which caused the crowd to ‘sing for absolution’, a terrific shot that fizzled pass Skye.

The Meerkats stepped on the gas and proceeded to pepper the goal with any given opportunity. Whilst at the other end of the pitch the defence were providing a solid wall to quell any threat. Abbie who had turned up at the game with a face like a smacked bum was playing out of her skin. Reason behind her facial expressions were due to an ankle injury that would have put any regular girl out, hats off to Abbie!! Skye was commanding her area really well and her kicking game had improved. Chloe struck the net again to claim a first half hat trick supported with a well worked goal and neat finish from Mya ‘The Magician’. Melissa ‘Mini’ Cooper was working the wing well and trying to provide the definitive through ball for the front line. The immense pressure was obviously ‘unsustainable’ and a sortie into the Meerkats defence by the Puma’s predators which as a consequence of a communication issue between Skye and Millie led to the Pumas poking home their 2nd. Half time came with the Meerkats leading 5-2 at the interval.

The gaffer switched Melissa with Faith who got stuck in from the off. The Puma’s were concentrating on ‘survival’ and damage limitation but were having major issues with Chloe. She was coming back deep to receive the ball and used her electrifying pace, to release Eloise who provided a pin point cross for Chloe to bury into the net again. Eloise ‘The Engine’ increased the lead further with a well taken finish after beating a couple of defenders.  There was feeling of ‘Bliss’ within the Meerkat troupe and it was this feeling or due to a ‘liquid state’ that caused Kelly Lee (Skye’s mom) to fall over. No-one touched her, so me thinks it was due to too many sherbets at lunchtime! The gaffer was having a lazy one too or due the fact of ‘supremacy’ that he couldn’t be bothered to fetch a ball that had travelled a short distance passed him! Bloody outrageous how fame, ambition and success has gone to his head – beneath him to fetch the ball? not sure that was within the FA coaching course. Ellie ‘The Enforcer’ was playing a blinder, ensuring that shed took man and ball and any given opportunity.Anyway the girls were still playing and Chloe bagged her 5th of the game with a rasping shot that literally hurt the keepers fingers.  Mya ‘The Magician’ was dancing her way through the defence, was just like watching a female Erik Lamela.  However she didn’t opt for the ‘Rabona’ instead tucked the ball neatly into the net to bag her a brace.  Eloise came off and was replaced with Melissa meaning Mya pushed up to support Chloe.

This was ‘Madness’ 9 goals! ‘Time was running out’ and the crowd were screaming for double figures but the Meerkats couldn’t capitalise as Faith ‘Mouse’ Youd struck her shot and was saved by the Puma keeper

A great spectacle to watch and the temperament of both sets of girls was impeccable. A flawless performance by the one linesman – Nicholls had a mare!!!


Things to work on

Defence to hold the line, Millie tends to take an extra few paces back which prevents the offside. Commendable, but we need to understand why!

Calling for the ball – this failure led to a Puma goal – Your mom and dad gave you a name – use it!!!

Stronger in the tackle – don’t dangle the foot or turn your back – you could end up injured

Abbie and Erin bring your shin pads to training or I’ll make you run for the hour!!!


Managers Player(s) went to Abbie ‘Delap’ Clay and Chloe ‘Sonic’ Venables for noteworthy performances at either end of the field.  Exceptional performance by both girls that would have been unfair to give it one and not the other.

Parents player that gets awarded the meerkat thingyamig went to Millie ‘Stonewall’ Sturch for a commanding efforts at the back.


Girls you continue to make Dave and I  very proud – keep smiling and keep trying


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